Dear God,

i just saw my blog's tagboard and i feel so sucky now.
i dont wanna feel like this, i hate crying.
i hate thinking so much and making myself tear.
though he didnt plan to tell me the truth, but when i asked him at least he had been honest and told me about it.
i should be happy aint i?
but it still hurts so much.

you sent me an angel 5 months ago and he has brought me bliss and happiness since then.
i want to continue being happy with him.
he's more than anything i could ever wish for,
and i thank you for answering my prayers - giving someone as precious as him to me.
i dont want to lose my One and Only, please dont take him away from me.
i dont wish to grind my negative thoughts and end up letting him go.
i love him and i want him.

please help me, and guide me through everything.
help me to be an understanding girlfriend, help me to trust him.
help me to stand by him no matter what happens.
take the sadness away from my heart.
i dont want to let anything bring me down.
i dont want to think at all, the thoughts are tearing me apart.
my mind is in a complete mess.
i am jealous. i am angry. i am torn, now.
wipe my tears away for me and stop them from ever-flowing out.

i pray that you will help me to stay strong and not crumble at times like this,
and that i wont be so sensitive.
let him know that i love him alot, although im always of few heart-felt words whenever im with him.
and let him know im trying, trying my hardest to be the girl he'll never wanna lose.
i want to be his close-to-perfect girlfriend and make him proud to be with me.
please help him to feel my true heart and i pray hard he wont ever break it.
im really sad , and my mood is totally spoilt.
i pray that you will once again answer my pleas to you,
and i thank you for bringing him into my life.

always trusting in the Almighty Jesus's name,
Amen.

There is something wrong with Me. You. Us.
I am updating this space so often now.
WHY??!!!!

i told you we're not gonna meet for the next two days, and i felt dejected(in a way).
and the response you gave me?
Life is like that.

wow, how awesomely cool.
in the past whenever we had to be apart, even just for a minute,
you would be whining and complaining we do not have enough time together,
and that you missed me alot, and i mean A LOT.
and now, this is the answer i get.

i didnt mean to throw my a tantrum or give you my fucked up princess attitude,
but just the thought of losing you already kills me inside.
What if the day really comes when you stop missing me, that you dont miss me anymore?
i dont know what i'll do,
i dont even dare to think about it.
thats why for a sudden i felt so darn insecure.
im so scared, so afraid i'll lose the love of my life.

Aaron Tan, i CANNOT AFFORD TO BE WITHOUT YOU ANYMORE.
you have become my entire world, i see only you now. ):

Im sorry for spoiling your mood.
I'll do better.

Sacrifice.

I scrolled through Facebook's news feed and saw that you're attending Zouk Out this year.
i saw the event earlier on and i was hoping you wouldnt attend it.
and turns out you might be going, you told me you wanna experience it cos you've never went there before.
My mood totally went down.

i dont want you to go at all,
the place is an awful mess - Loud music, Fights everywhere, Bikini babes in every direction.
Truth is, i mind alot.
And i told you straight that i dont want you to go.

For you, i've already stopped doing certain things which i think/know you do not like.
but why cant you do the same for me?
im already trying my best not to control your life,
you are going out till late almost every week, sometimes twice or even thrice a week.
That wasnt what we agreed on from the start yeah?
and when i questioned you that time, you said pubbing and clubbing different.

okay lor, you win already.
i got nothing to say.

i already give in alot, everytime you go out i also not happy, but never tell/show you.
dno luh, by the time comes and if youre going to Zouk i think we're bound to quarrel.

Sian max.

Much as i hate you being part of the gang, i dont want you to feel stressed because of me too.
I wish i could tell you straight in the face, how much i wished you would give it up for me.
But then, i think again.
What good will it make?
You're prolly just gonna ignore me and get all upset over it.

I absolutely hate that feeling where i've to worry about you every single day,
whether you'll get into trouble, whether you'll get hurt and stuff.
I have to stay up and wait till you have safely gone home,
only then will i have a peace of mind.

Hmm..... When will that day ever come...?
Maybe when you grow up and take life more seriously will you be able to leave the gang.
*remains hopeful*

Day 1.

Brenda Yap, what would the world do without someone like you?